Relationship talk

• —A short, checkable list: children, city, fidelity, addictions, violence. Not to debate — to hear.

No indicator divergences — answers either match or are not filled in yet.

• —What we call what is between us if asked.
• —From what moment we count it as having started.
• —Whom we tell and how, and whom we do not.
• —What changes for each once it is named out loud.

• —What each unambiguously counts as cheating.
• —What is borderline: texting, flirting, one-on-one meetings, dating apps.
• —What we warn about in advance, and what is not required.
• —What we do if one of us gets drawn to someone else.

• —What frequency suits each and what we do when they differ.
• —How each initiates and how each declines, so a no is not read as rejection.
• —What we want to try and what is a definite no for each.
• —Contraception and health checks: where we stand now.
• —What we do if one loses desire for a long time due to stress, health, or fatigue.

• —How many meetings a week are comfortable for each.
• —How many nights over a week are comfortable.
• —How we arrange plans in advance.
• —What we do when one is swamped and has no time.

• —How much time a week each needs to themselves.
• —How we ask for it so it does not read as pulling away.
• —What each does apart from the other and wants to keep.
• —How much time apart with friends is normal.

• —Who pays for what now, how it looks to each.
• —What we do about a difference in income.
• —From what amount a spend is discussed together.
• —Whether we set up a shared budget and for what.
• —Whether there are debts or obligations the other should know about.

• —Whether each wants children and how many.
• —On what horizon, and what should be in place by then.
• —How we picture splitting duties in the first year.
• —What we do if it does not work out for health reasons.

• —Whether each is ready to move to another city or country.
• —Under what conditions and what would have to line up.

• —Under what conditions moving in makes sense and on what timeline.
• —What scares each about shared daily life.

• —Who does what at home and how it is split.
• —What "clean" and "tidy" mean to each.

• —When and how we introduce them, to whom it matters and why.
• —What family may decide about us and what it may not.

• —What contact with exes is normal.
• —Where each draws the line between friendship and flirting.

• —How many messages and calls a day is normal.
• —What the other's long silence means to each.

• —How we usually fight, seen from the outside.
• —What each needs after a fight to get back to normal.

• —Which words and actions sting the most.
• —Whether there is anything unresolved between us we keep going back to.

• —What each wants from work in the coming years.
• —What each will sacrifice for it and what they will not.

• —What the other should know about health, routine, habits.
• —What level of drinking is normal for each and where the worry line is.

• —What new shared undertaking or trip in the coming months.
• —What each wants to do together but we do not yet.

• —What person each wants to be in a few years.
• —What the other can do to support that.

• —Three things each considers unchangeable in themselves.
• —Three things each admits might change.

• —What, in your view, could break us apart.
• —By what early signs we would notice it.